Monday, November 24, 2008

Developing Mental Agility

Whether you are presenting a product, giving a press conference, interviewing for a job, addressing an audience – you are persuading.

You need Mental Agility – the art of thinking fast, controlling a conversation, persuading those around you, and conditioning the mind to think faster under pressure.

As one of the most sought-after professional business speakers in the country, author Rob Jolles knows first had the need for mental speed.

He wrote a book that is full of useful tips and action points, plus thirty-five Mental Agility exercises to help you practice what you’ve learned and put Rob’s “path to persuasion” into your business plan.

If you would like to read our summary based on his book, please visit http://www.bestsum.com.

Saturday, November 22, 2008

Are You Hungry For Love?

If you are too hungry for love, it ends up putting people off. They will quickly come to the conclusion that, no matter what they do, they can never make you happy. If you ask too much, people will avoid you.

If you are someone who’s hungry for love, the affection you crave has the same effect as food does for a bulimic person, or drugs for an addict. It gives you a temporary lift, but it doesn’t satisfy you. Suddenly that’s all you can think about. You have to have it and every fix has to be bigger than the one before. You are prepared to do anything to feel loved. You become capable of almost every kind of persuasive behaviour, even blackmail, to get what you want.

Of course, it’s natural to want to be loved. Everyone needs love, especially when things are going badly. Some people undoubtedly need it more than others, for example those who were deprived of affection – or, conversely, overindulged – in their childhood.

It is possible to avoid an unhealthy craving for love and affection by developing your own emotional intelligence, and improving your relationships with other people. If you suspect you are too hungry for love, you have to identify first of all, the ‘illness’, the form it takes. Then, you need to strengthen your immune system to limit any damage during ‘a crisis’.

So how badly affected are you?


THE HISTRIONIC
The term histrionic derives from the Latin histrio, meaning a comedian, boaster, or even a cheat. When you deprived of love, you tend to become hysterical. You burst into tears for nothing, or you fly into a rage. For those around you, it’s heaven or hell. You are either in the depths of despair, or you are on Cloud Nine.

THE EGOCENTRIC
When you are let down in love, you become terribly narcissistic. It does have its advantages (you end up looking particularly glamorous) but it can be quite inconvenient. You spend all your money on clothes, cosmetics and beauty treatments.. and yet, despite all the care you take of your body and the time you put into your appearance, you are never satisfied with what you see in the mirror. Deep down, you don’t think you look good and you are scared that no one will find you attractive.

No matter how much your friends or would-be partners try to reassure you, you simply cannot believe anyone could find you in the least seductive.

THE ORPHAN
You are so hungry for love, it makes you submissive, you become a real doormat. You give up your whole personality. You no longer have tastes, ideas, or preferences of your own. Clothes, work, home, holidays, you let other people decide on everything.

Sometimes it works out quite well, especially if your partner likes the same things as you do. Fine if he’s crazy about sailing and you adore anything to do with being out in the fresh air. Not so good, though, if he turns out to be mad about white-water rafting and your idea of heaven is an afternoon in a museum.

BestSummaries.com is a book summary service that provides summaries of top self-help, motivational and inspirational books where you can learn--in minutes-- what it takes to live life and live it well. BestSummaries.com sends out one book summary every week in PDF, PDA, audio and/or print formats. For more information, please go to http://www.bestsum.com.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Understanding Emotional Intelligence

All of us do have an instinctive idea of our emotional quotient (EQ), even if we don’t know that’s what it’s called! Your strengths and weaknesses in these and other areas will add up to an individual “psychostyle” which is called your Emotional Quotient, or emotional intelligence. 

Why You Need This Book
It introduces readers to the basic tenets of emotional intelligence and teaches them to look at themselves and other people with new eyes. 

It needs to be evaluated in terms of our self-awareness and our relationships with others.


Discover Your Emotional Psychostyle

Here’s a quick overview of the four emotional psychostyles. 

(Editor’s note: please refer to the book for the eight detailed tests which help determine emotional psychostyle.)


EXTROVERT-IMPULSIVE
You love new trends and technological advances (you adore surfing the Net); you’re not too concerned with moral values, you hunger for sensation, excitement, new experiences and success. Your motto in life is ‘Every man for himself’.

You crave social success – money is a great motivator for you – but you want to stay free and independent. Whether you work in a multinational, as part of a small team, or as a freelance individual, you prefer to remain detached. You do a good, professional job but you don’t really get involved in your work or work for the joy of it. You are hedonistic, you want to make the most of everything life has to offer, through your interests, your friends or other venues. Outdoor pursuits take up a lot of your time. As far as you’re concerned, home is strictly for sleeping in.

You live an active life: you take short holiday breaks all year round and enjoy trips abroad. You have a strong need for new pleasures and ever-changing experiences.


EXTROVERT-STABLE
You are generally opposed to change, and you have a somewhat withdrawn attitude to life. Traditional family values are important to you, and deep down you think a woman’s place is in the home. First and foremost, you look for a quiet life, well-organized if at all possible, and you hate having your routine disturbed.

You are cautious; you prefer safe bets to risks. You are highly organized both at work and in your leisure pursuits. You enjoy routine jobs and taking breaks with your family. You rarely travel long distances – it puts you in a bad mood. You have problems adapting to different ways of thinking, or changing your diet. Your traditions and principles are rock-solid and you tend to be quite single-minded. You reject everything ‘foreign’ quite systematically and at times aggressively. 


INTROVERT-IMPULSIVE
You loathe all-out show and ostentation, and excessive displays of success and wealth. When it comes to fashion or food, your tastes are simple. Change and novelty are what you crave and you are insatiably curious. You dream of doing something adventurous and escaping to foreign parts (sunbathing in Bali or trekking along the Grand Canyon). 


INTROVERT-STABLE
Your life is divided between your family and your career. You are very centered, almost a little too much so, on your family, their physical and emotional comfort, the children’s education and so on. You buy quality names. However, your desire to conform may also occasionally make you voice rather repressive moral views.

Everything – people, objects, ideas – must have been tried and tested before they can receive your seal of approval. You prefer traditional d├ęcor (with some modern fittings of course) and you enjoy home cooking. You enjoy a little sailing, the odd round of golf, browsing in museums and visiting places of interest. Apart from that, you like watching television, reading books (especially historical novels), doing a little practical DIY around the house and collecting antiques.

Your social life tends to revolve around the private clubs and associations you belong to.


Are You Hungry for Love?
If you are too hungry for love, it ends up putting people off. If you ask too much, people will avoid you.

If you are someone who’s hungry for love, the affection you crave has the same effect as food does for a bulimic person, or drugs for an addict. Of course, it’s natural to want to be loved. Everyone needs love, especially when things are going badly. Some people undoubtedly need it more than others, for example those who were deprived of affection – or, conversely, overindulged – in their childhood.

It is possible to avoid an unhealthy craving for love and affection by developing your own emotional intelligence, and improving your relationships with other people. If you suspect you are too hungry for love, you have to identify first of all, the ‘illness’, the form it takes. tally your responses, and then refer to the score panel and the assessments:

1. You constantly seek reassurance and approval from other people at work and in your private life.

2. You feel angry, ashamed or humiliated if someone criticizes you (even slightly).
3. You desperately want people to admire your appearance.

4. You would burst into tears if you heard that your best friend’s dog had died.

5. You often overestimate your abilities or the value of your achievements.

6. At parties, you don’t feel happy unless you are the center of attention.

7. You think that only exceptional people can really understand your problems.
8. You would not feel capable of organizing a solo holiday trip.

9. Your emotional reactions are not predictable.

10. If there’s a horrible job to be done at work or at home, you always volunteer to do it.
11. You often jump queues.

12. You fish for compliments a lot.

13. You feel devastated when a close relationship is broken off.

14. You don’t take it well when a friend cancels on you even if it is not her fault.
15. You frequently feel jealous or envious of your friends’ lives.

16. You are easily hurt by criticism from your partner.

17. You often wear miniskirts and figure-hugging tops to the office.

If your score so far shows that you ARE hungry for love, you will fall into one of three categories: histrionics, egocentrics, and ‘orphans’, who are afraid of being abandoned. 

THE HISTRIONIC
The term histrionic derives from the Latin histrio, meaning a comedian, boaster, or even a cheat. When you deprived of love, you tend to become hysterical. You always trust people too quickly and too soon. You will fall under the spell of anyone with a strong personality. As a result, all your relationships are generally stormy and insincere.

Your problem is first of all that you are over-emotional, you suffer from overwhelming feelings. You are soon bored by routine (no challenge) and tenderness (no passion). 

Get a grip on your emotions. Good or bad, they are always excessive and this stops you from seeing people and events in a realistic light. You must learn moderation.

Play everything down. You won’t find love by behaving like a tease or an easy lay. Stop hugging every casual acquaintance as if he was the love of your life and don’t be tempted to wrap yourself all round a man just because he’s bought you lunch – even if it was delicious. 

THE EGOCENTRIC
If you are an Egocentric, when you are let down in love, you become terribly narcissistic. When people are acutely narcissistic, the real problem is that they are being passive. They behave as if they were objects (sexual or otherwise), desirable goods, rather than people. That’s why other people’s opinions assume such importance. Remember, it isn’t necessary in life to accomplish great things or achieve perfection. 

Don’t try to read into things all the time. Don’t imagine love or desire where there isn’t any.

Stop trying to look at yourself from other people’s point of view. You have always tended to center everything on how people regard you. 

THE ORPHAN
You no longer have tastes, ideas, or preferences of your own. Clothes, work, home, holidays, you let other people decide on everything.

Sometimes it works out quite well, especially if your partner likes the same things as you do. Not so good, though, if he turns out to be mad about white-water rafting and your idea of heaven is an afternoon in a museum.

Stop volunteering for all the dirty work. Only in fairy tales are princes charming to Cinderellas. So bite your tongue before offering your services. 

Learn to manage your time for yourself. 

Train yourself to do things on your own (even if you are in a relationship). 

Final Words
Understanding and developing your emotional intelligence – and learning to understand and view other people similarly as well – will be the key to success in both your professional and personal life.

BestSummaries.com is a book summary service that provides summaries of top self-help, motivational and inspirational books where you can learn--in minutes-- what it takes to live life and live it well.  BestSummaries.com sends out one book summary every week in PDF, PDA, audio and/or print formats.  For more information, please go to http://www.bestsum.com.